It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
