True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
