Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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