Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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