His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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