Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
