textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is wine microwaveable?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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