I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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