I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
where are you?
Hypothermia
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
