That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
