This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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