I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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