So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
