my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
