she told me i tasted like america
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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