I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can't just leave with hair like that
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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