I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
