Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
