I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
