Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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