life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
