I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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