haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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