I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
