that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When are your genitals available?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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