Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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