She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
