I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
