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You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
