You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
