she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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