Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
