oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
