Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
