I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
