The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
