Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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