Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
