he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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