I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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