I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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