Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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