Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
