WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
