Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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