why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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