his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
