the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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