I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
