Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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