Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
