Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
