one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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