i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
