I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
