they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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