wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
