Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
