My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
