Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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