I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
