Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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