that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
