Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my liver is dry heaving
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
