I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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