just come out here and I will go home with you...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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