I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
