Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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