it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
