oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
