Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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