so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
