You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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