Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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