can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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