True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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