You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
