I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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